|musings on life and such
||[Nov. 3rd, 2004|09:58 pm]
Bolt HE board regulars
|||||nick drake - fruit tree||]|
In the style of carrie bradshaw I got to thinking....
- What could have I done with the time I spent during the last ten years of my life worrying about weight, weight loss, diet, eating, exercise, food etc.
- What could I have done with all those hours I have wasted with my head stuck over a toilet bowl.
- What would I think about if I didn't spend everyday obsessing over eating.
- What would I be like as a person if I hadn't experienced all this and if I still wasn't obsessing over it.
- What will I be like in years to come - how will my mind and body pay me back for the things I have done to it.
- Will I ever get over it?
Just pondering away my life. Seem like basic questions but I don't often think about them. I always think about the now and the present but never about the future nor about how much time of mine has been wasted on this disease. And that's all it is, wasted time. And I feel so helpless becasue I can never get it back - I can never take back all the times I have purged, cried, cut, written food list after food list. I wonder what my life would be like if I never had. And if there was anyway I could have ever prevented myself getting this far?