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So... [Nov. 21st, 2004|04:00 am]
Bolt HE board regulars

K, remind me of everything bad about starving.

because i suck right now, and need to be reminded to not go down that path again.
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I found it... [Nov. 20th, 2004|10:19 am]
Bolt HE board regulars

[mood |happyhappy]

hey it's me...Blondie, from th'BOARD, yo.....

aka just B

*whew!* I finally found the community *heh* I know, I know...not that hard is it.

~ blonde to the bone ~

Anyways hi.
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(no subject) [Nov. 20th, 2004|02:58 pm]
Bolt HE board regulars
[music |tomorrow never knows - the beatles]

I feel like telling you all that I have only purged once in the whole of this week. I feel bloated because of it, but I'm proud of myself. It may not seem like a huge achievement, I don't know. I'm just so used to doing it 20x a day or more, and having bloodshot eyes. I can't do it anymore. I know I'm killing myself. I realise I can't snap my fingers and have it gone... but I'm going to finally try to beat this.

And I don't think I should eat tonight, because I know I'll go out get drunk and then purge because when I've been drinking I don't give a shit about what I'm doing to myself. Then, blah, I will probably purge anyway because of the calories from the alcohol.

Wish me luck. Hopefully I'll be strong and composed enough not to do it.
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worried [Nov. 15th, 2004|12:06 am]
Bolt HE board regulars

[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |radiohead]

May be a trigger....

Read more...Collapse )
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2004|05:39 pm]
Bolt HE board regulars


im so tired but i cant sleep. sit and drink pennyroyal tea.

mm. i have stretch marks on my sides now. and its bugging the shit out of me. it makes me feel like a real fat ass. blah. BLAH GIRLS BLAH. and im kind of sick. i think i have mono bc im tired and my tummy hurts like as a crampish thing. and i dont have cancer or diabetes or anything so we dont know what is wrong with me i.e.: why i dont have my period. and i dont know if your period can go away if you are an over-eater?

im sleepy so im going back to bed maybe.  

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(no subject) [Nov. 6th, 2004|11:48 am]
Bolt HE board regulars

[mood |thirstythirsty]
[music |whatever my neighbor is playing]

so last night i read syl's post about Juicy Couture. and now i want all things Juicy. and L.A.M.B. oooh i wish i had money for expensive clothes. well its not that i dont. its that i just dont want to give up my money very easily. EXCEPT I DO. so i will probably have a closet full of juicy clothes in no time.


the models make me sick though. sick in a way that i want to look like that. sooo bad. even though i know its not healthy. and such. i dont know.

list of sexy women who arent emaciated...

  1. Angelina Jolie
  2. Gwen Stefani
  3. Drew Barrymore
  4. Jennifer Lopez
  5. Scarlette Johansen

yeah i was going to be all tech saavy and put all their pics in there. but then i decided i was lazy.

our semi-formal is tonight at school and i am excited about getting dressy and such. it will probably be a good time. okay im going to stop wasting space now, LOVE~sasha

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musings on life and such [Nov. 3rd, 2004|09:58 pm]
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[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |nick drake - fruit tree]

In the style of carrie bradshaw I got to thinking....

- What could have I done with the time I spent during the last ten years of my life worrying about weight, weight loss, diet, eating, exercise, food etc.
- What could I have done with all those hours I have wasted with my head stuck over a toilet bowl.
- What would I think about if I didn't spend everyday obsessing over eating.
- What would I be like as a person if I hadn't experienced all this and if I still wasn't obsessing over it.
- What will I be like in years to come - how will my mind and body pay me back for the things I have done to it.
- Will I ever get over it?

Just pondering away my life. Seem like basic questions but I don't often think about them. I always think about the now and the present but never about the future nor about how much time of mine has been wasted on this disease. And that's all it is, wasted time. And I feel so helpless becasue I can never get it back - I can never take back all the times I have purged, cried, cut, written food list after food list. I wonder what my life would be like if I never had. And if there was anyway I could have ever prevented myself getting this far?
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argh. [Oct. 28th, 2004|12:40 pm]
Bolt HE board regulars

[mood |blahblah]
[music |gwen stefani - what you waiting for (just for syl)]

I hope this doesn't trigger anyone....

I did a bad thing yesterday. I b/p'ed. Although it wasnt the first time since being in France I think it was the worse. One of those times when you know what you are going to eat, you know what your going to do as you are eating but you can't stop yourself because it's like your brain is turned off and you are running on automatic pilot. Pretty soon I was spitting up bile and crying my eyes out.

I HATE this.

BUT I'm not going to let it get me down. It happened. I think i know what triggered it...kind of. I have been feeling like I'm slipping more and more lately because I have been stressed out and upset and whenever I aam vulnerable - BAM - thats when the ED hits me hardest. Of course I can't just get rid of the stress but how can I get rid of these urges? I need another coping mechanism. Any advice?

Lis x
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ha wow me = SMART [Oct. 26th, 2004|02:47 pm]
Bolt HE board regulars

[mood |sicksick]
[music |Oasis-Wonderwall]


look there is sammie! now put her in the collage, mmkay darce? kthnx. this rich text thing is fun.

yeah it is.

  1. i can do lists
  2. like this
  3. i can put pics in
  4. and links
  5. and do pretty much whatever
  7. o yeah, and im smart so i can figure out how to do these things.

so yeah, this is horrendously OT, but thats okay and i cant spell.

love, sasha.

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Nutritionist [Oct. 25th, 2004|09:40 pm]
Bolt HE board regulars

[mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]

On November 8th, I'm off to the Nutritionist. It'll be my first time.

So. Have any of you girls been to a nutritionist? What the hell happens? Are they going to make me eat a certain amount of calories, or what?

Oh, and Mac's suck. Seriously. Anyone who has one should smash it and buy a REAL computer.

And Darce, try Gaviscon. It works wonders for me.


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